I woke up a week ago, hands stiff, knees cracking. Gunk in my eyes to Zoey sleeping half on top of me half on Shaun. A normal wake up for a week before turning 41. 40. fucking. 1.
I am now 13 years younger than my dad was before he passed.
Whatever the hill is – I’m over it , at least in relation to my not so great genes that I’m trying to fight to longevity as much as I can. Peptide me, high protein me, creatine me, vibration plate my lymphatic system and bring on the Korean skin care. Because this mama is seeing more lines than a Mapquest map from 1990 and the map says the more skin care you have on the counter, the better.
My Flo app has made it clear my hormones are all over the place and no matter how many supplements and low dose everything I take, they’re still a mess. This is perimenopause, that beautiful sweet spot of uncertainty and wondering if it’s all going to shit before menopause. The weight won’t come off, the bags are getting bigger — emotional and physical — and deep sleep will not be had without half a Xanax and progesterone.
This is 41.
Ok it’s not all grim, it’s actually a privilege, to wake up even with achy knees and stiff joints — because I now know too many people who don’t get to do this. Who have moved on and watch over us or some shit.
You’re catching me in my luteal stage so I’m trying to be positive it’s just a real effort. My parents died young. 50s is when you should be peaking – kids out of diapers and only half harassing you for money and emotional comfort – finances pretty settled, usually as good as it gets and then they died. It’s bullshit to be frank. So, yes it’s a privilege that I get to wake up, put on my Korean skin creams I bought on Amazon prime day — #influenced — and make my kids some high protein waffles because I’m a great mom, dammit!
If I know anything, I’m a great mom.
I may question myself but I know I’m doing THAT right, even when it feels 50 shades of wrong. My kids are privileged with love and too much attention and 17 after school activities, camps, too many jibbitz and squishees, and mostly love. I’ve figured out I need to fit myself in the mix of self care in order to be a better mom, a better wife, a better CEO. I have my ups and downs but I get my 3-4 strength training classes a week, acupuncture, the occasional massage, meditation when I’m a really good girl and a free flow dance in the morning only in the 15 days between my period and ovulation. The days as most women know, are a wash.
While I can bitch ‘til the sun sets I’m going to follow my bliss and choose joy today. Things are pretty damn good and while I can complain, I won’t. I have a beautiful family, I have a business that is loved by many, and more importantly I LOVE IT! I have a pretty good sense of self after forty one years. Enough therapy sessions and spiritual awakenings to have earned that knowing. And still a lot more to learn. I hope I get 41 more years at least to do that.
* If you’re interested in my skin routine comment #skin, jk just message me I’m not linking anything.
